Now, never let it be mouthed that I am not an avowed fan of both drunkery and stupid costumes. I am. I love both loudly and vehemently. And yet, today's sanctioned festival o'shame bothers me to such a degree that I don't even understand myself anymore. Either a) I'm getting old, or b) those people are being douchebags. Or maybe c) I just want to state for the record that I, like most white persons who live in the United States, also have an ancestor or two who once lived in Ireland, and I have never claimed to be Irish. And I would like for more people to take my lead on that. Born in America = American. Unless, you know, your family really is from another country and you just happened to randomly be born here. Or whatever. I suppose I can't relate because my family's been in America since before the Revolution, so I have no ability to seek out and claim a more intriguing ethnicity, even if I were inclined to.
Finally, I can currently hear bagpipes, from my office 16 stories up, and it is distressing.
Am I being a huge, no-fun-pants killjoy? Maybe. I just deeply do not get the appeal of this celebration. I guess it's pretty cool that the Irish are not the pariahs they were in the 19th century anymore, since now everyone's Irish!, but the whole thing just feels very ick. To say nothing of the actual ick that's going to get all over the sidewalks of my city today. I'm going home after work and get some cleaning done.
Does anyone want to wear the complainer's apron? I'm all done with it. For now. I'll need it back before Cinco de Mayo, obviously.
In less shaking-fist-at-the-sky news, I don't know if Snickers is currently waging a viral marketing campaign in all corners of the earth, like they are in NYC, but hereparts, they've gobbled up quite a lot of MTA adspace to advance the concept that Snickers will cure hunger. To wit: "Make an appointment for a HUNGERECTOMY," "Get a degree in SNACKONOMICS," and (dumbest), "Take a dip in the CHOCOLANTIC OCEAN."
Now, although most of these ads make me feel that I am getting DUMBGRY, I still stare at them whenever I see them because that is how viral marketing works: you are assaulted with the ads and defied not to look at them. And I do my bit as dutiful sheeplike consumer and I stare at them. And this morning, I saw:
It took me a minute. I gawped northward, mind churning furiously: "... feed me, Seymour?" and "...Doctor Feelgood?" and "WHAT IS THIS REFERENCE?" and then it hit me.
And after that, I went "Ha-ha!" Out loud. During my otherwise-quiet commute. Well-played, Snickers. You have convinced me to eat your candy.